holiday survival guide: protect your peace this season

The holidays are beautiful, but they can also be completely overwhelming. To help you navigate the chaos with your sanity intact, try these strategies from Rick Tabor, Licensed Mental Health Counselor.

1. Practice “Selective Yes-ing”
   Boundaries aren’t just about saying “no”—they are about protecting your “yes” for the things that truly bring you joy and peace.

• The Boundary Script: Copy, paste, and use these quick templates to decline invitations politely:
• “Thank you so much for thinking of me! I’m at my capacity for events this month, but I’d love to catch up in the New Year.”
• “That sounds wonderful, but I’m keeping things low-key this week to recharge. Have an amazing time!”

2. Adopt the “Good Enough” Standard
   The pressure to create a picture-perfect holiday is a massive source of anxiety. Trade perfectionism for a holiday that is “meaningful and messy.”

• Lower the Bar: Give yourself permission to cut corners. Opt for store-bought sides, put up fewer decorations, or shorten family visits. No one remembers the perfect tablecloth; they remember the laughs.

3. Harvest “Micro-Rest”
   Finding a full hour for a spa day or long workout is often unrealistic right now. Instead, sneak in “micro-rests” throughout the day to reset your nervous system.

• How to do it: Take 60 seconds for deep breathing in the bathroom, or sit in a quiet car for 5 minutes before entering a chaotic grocery store.

4. Create an Emotional Budget
   Just as you budget money for gifts, you should budget your emotional energy.

• How to do it: Look at your calendar. If a specific event or family dynamic is going to drain 80% of your battery, intentionally schedule low-energy, quiet activities immediately before and after.

5. Build Pre-Planned Escape Hatches
   Anxiety thrives when you feel trapped. Having an exit strategy for holiday gatherings gives you control and instantly lowers your stress levels.

• Tactics to Try: Drive separately so you aren’t reliant on someone else’s timeline. Set a firm departure time in advance (“I can stay until 8:00 PM”), or establish a subtle “code word” with your partner that signals it’s time to head home.

6. Run Anticipatory Reality Checks
   Much of our holiday distress comes from the gap between expectation and reality. Hoping a difficult family member will suddenly behave differently this year can set us up for heartbreak.

• How to do it: Accept people exactly as they are. If you’re caring for someone with dementia, meet them where they are today. Choose shorter, quieter gatherings, keep familiar traditions simple, and let go of correcting them when memories get mixed up. It’s okay to grieve the holidays you once shared while still finding joy in the moments you have now.

7. Don’t Abandon Healthy Habits
   It’s tempting to let the holidays become a free-for-all, but overindulgence only adds to stress and guilt. Sticking with a few healthy routines keeps your body, mind, and mood on steadier ground.

• How to do it: Have a healthy snack before holiday parties so you don’t go overboard on sweets, cheese, or drinks. Protect your sleep as much as you can. Add some physical activity to each day, like dancing to holiday music or taking a walk with a friend.

The holidays don’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. Setting boundaries, resting when you can, and keeping up healthy habits all help protect your brain from the toll of chronic stress, and they leave you with more energy for the people you love. You don’t need to try all seven strategies at once, so start with one or two that speak to you and build from there. 

This season, give yourself the same aloha you so freely give to others.